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misseverandever · 2 days ago

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I CAN READ THIS, AND I WILL! LET’S GOOOOOOO!

omg was not on my 2024 bingo that I’m actually gonna read Melinda’s set for Anya

FRIST CARD: FOUR OF CUPS (the past)

that’s symbolizes Anya past implicating on her present, the cart indicates a need to experiences something new that brings joy and fills this empty space, something we see in our little girl eyes and i’m happy to see she’s doing good cuz in the past she certainly was a person that spends their days with their head down.

SECOND CARD: DEATH (the present)

The upright Death tarot card symbolizes transformation and the beginning of something new. It represents closing a chapter, leaving past experiences behind, we can think about Anya maturing and liberating from the trauma! Well in relationship (anya question) suggests the relationship may be stuck in a stagnant or unproductive dynamic, what we definitely can see, she tell his mother that he bullies her

THIRD CARD: THREE OF SWORDS (hidden influences)

The unseen problem huh? There’s a lot of them, well Donovan, Twilight, Operation Stixs… etc etc….

Whenever this card appears in a reading, it indicates conflict, disappointment, and misunderstanding (Well that’s definitely is the case), maybe Damian is definitely gonna be sad about why her approach to him, we know this is real cuz Damian already say before about people approaching him just because he is a Desmond and we know Anya have the same goal, but no worries is gonna be difficult but it can be resolved (they need to talk about this) !!!!

FORTH CARD: THE STAR (ANYA)

The Star in the upright position symbolizes hope, inspiration, and peace for the future. BUT is in the reversed position, so Anya reflects the feelings of hopelessness, confusion, and doubt as her navigate life's challenges and question circumstances. We see Melinda like that, and surprisingly Anya feel empty for her!

(So cute Anya being the star)

FIFTY CARD: TEN OF PENTACLES (the influence of others)

What kinds of external influences are dominating the situation? Well all of them! This card is important because it influences how others close to the Querent feel about the situation. AND GUESS ITS ALL RIGHT! This is a very positive card, and its positivity indicates that the path of challenges and difficulties has already been traveled, and now is the time to reap what is deserved. INNN THE RELATION WAAAAY (remember Anyas question not just because you know… i’m a shipper) is gonna be an harmony between them, whit a lot of happiness, cuties!

SIXTH CARD: ACE OF CUPS (what Anya have to do)

We see he is receiving, It’s often represents sadness, loss, and frustration, signaling difficulty in connecting. We know Damian is a difficult person, Anya have to deal with his feelings, is an important thing to do cuz if she don’t, they will not be together.

SEVENTH CARD: THREE OF WANDS (final results)

This last card is important because it takes into account all the six previous cards in its response. Here, we have an indicator of what the final resolution to the problem will be.

In this spread, the energy here is one of movement, so Anya cannot (and will not) stay still and she cannot try to handle everything alone.

The card indicates complicity, true love, and a strong connection. Sooo don't worry, as the frendship is real, and they will overcome it together.

SHE KNOWS!

SORRY MY ENGLISH IS KINDA BAD SO CAN YOU GUYS PLEASE FORGIVE ANY ERRORS IN THE TEXT? I was so exited to reed this, if you need tarot read dm me 🫶

#spy x family #sxf 108 #spy x family 108 #tarot reading #tarot cards #sxf damian #sxf yor #sxf thoughts #sxf anya #sxf melinda #anya x damian #damian desmond #anya forger #damianya #sxf spoilers #sxf loid #sxf twilight #sxf manga

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a-not-so-sure-artist · 11 months ago

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Was looking back at my old Twinsomnia fan art and decided to bring back some characters, aka make them somewhat relevant to whatever story my other OCs for this mod have!

Meet Joyce! She and Nicole have been friends since elementary days, and they along with others are the 4th/5th most popular kids in their school.

Joyce doesn’t know of Nicoles little crush yet, and tbh neither does Nicole at the moment. She does end up discovering her identity/feelings as time goes by, confesses to Joyce and they soon become a couple! (and even marry in the future <3)

Joyce doesn’t really try or even care about popularity. She’s simply well known because of how “perfect” the kids at school see her as, her family being loaded and her being a graceful Ballet dancer and all. It’s rather Nicole who’s crazy about climbing the middle-school social ladder xD

And here we have the baby himself who gets too much screentime, Lucas! He’s the textbook definition of “The Neighbor’s Kid” and unfortunately happens to live in the same area as Nicole and Leon.

Lucas…is not the most well behaved. Sure he can be calm and tolerable some days, but that’s only when he has a bottle of milk and his concerningly sentient ipad in hand. If he doesn’t have any of those, tantrums ensue and he attempts to destroy anything in his path until he gets what he wants.

Poor homie’s entire sleep pattern is ruined, and it’s mostly due to that scary ah ipad that hypnotizes him with YouTube kids brainrot. If only there were like two or more magical babysitters who could possibly help this child with his sleepless nights <:0 <:0

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dykedvonte · 2 months ago

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Can you talk about trans!Curly a little bit more? I'm curios if you have any headcanons and the like

-💀

It's just such a thing in my mind because it adds a truthful sadness and differing aspect to mouthwashing.

If Curly was trans it adds the horror of the horribly selfish thought he could have easily been in Anya's situation. It could've been him but it wasn't and he so conflicted on the pit it put in his stomach that brings and the shameful relief it wasn't. In this scenario he is friends with Jimmy for a long time still. Jimmy likely knew him pretransition. Maybe he gave Curly weird looks then, maybe they never stopped after, maybe they seemed meaner. They are guys now, bros, both of them are. He doesn't really have to worry what those looks mean anymore, Jimmy just has that face with him sometimes. It's recontextualizing a lot of things for him that he was in denial about or too ashamed to admit. How naive he was being and how he let that get another person hurt.

Specifically with Anya, it's he knows the dread and fear she's feeling. He can understand it because he had to live with it for a good portion of his life, he knows it cause he still does, just in a slightly different way. It makes him think of all the times he's been alone with Jimmy, all the times he's been way more drunk off his ass and not remember the night, Jimmy was always with him the next day. Makes him think of the comments he would laugh off both because that's what guys do but because that part of being a girl says to laugh so Jimmy doesn't do something. It's the selfish realization that he was never safe and he's uncertain now too. Mad at himself for forgeting that feeling, espcially since for a long time he would've been considered the only woman on a crew (with all that implies) for a long time.

He should've taken those blinders off, step back into that position for just a moment and it's so much more painful that Anya likely came to him because he should've gotten it. Those thoughts don't leave his mind after the crash when he's in an even more vulnerable position than she was...

#this is less headcanons and more my thoughts of the intersectional horror this brings to mouthwashing which is also a thing it #already has but more directly in the mix vs just the class gender and positional struggle. like the idea he waited to confront Jimmy becaus #he could conceptualize the crime better because of experience with womanhood and also how it would've destroyed him in terms of being trans #like its weird to word as a comparison but thats kinda how empathy works as in an understanding and ability to project through aspects #like you found out your friend who has always had weird feelings about and relating to you is a rapist and got one of your other friend #pregnant and is now being openly hostile and aggressive towards you. You have only a few days to really think on all of this all the years #with him and how many oppurtunites he had that you blame yourself for giving him both in life and to do to you. You are starting to #realize that he may have done what he did to Anya because it was no longer viable with him or because of weird transphobia/homophobia #from Jimmy and god its so much and he should've know better and what did Jimmy do then - c r a s h #he is at such a small amount of mercy to Jimmy now and he can't protect Anya and it's terrifying because i know and you know that Jimmy is #giving him those weird looks again...#like it adds another layer of horror to things and while I don't think Jimmy would do anything to Curly it's heavily implied he targeted he #because of relatively more important position and getting Curly to have doubts about him as a power play and Curly knows Jimmy well enough #that him immediately exerting his authority and power would set him off after already having been mad about it and even when doing #damage control it still set him off. like its the horror of accidenlty siding with your oppresser and hurting other like you only to then b #stabbed in the back again by the person who took advantage of your nature like its so complext but my actual trans curly headcanons #are just a little bit happier like i imagine he was the first on the boys soccer team and a star player. maybe he and jimmy even picked ou #his first offical “boy” clothes and Jimmy picked most so he looked like the grungiest white boy but she was a boy so it didn't matter cause #it was with his friend who accepted him and I bet on the bed he looks back at all those moments and notices the little details that his #friend wasnt actually so happy but he can't be certain when he started looking so bitter or hes just imagining out of paranoia cause he jus #cant know and even if he could he wouldn't want to ask like god thinking about Anya and probably being a little glad if not heartbroken #that she did get out of it in the end like trans curly and anya destroy me even more its so upsetting like he didn't realize how much he go #you girl and waited to act like it was cowardice but then would she not realize what hes realizing? should that be a grace or more of a #condemnation in her mind like what are her thoughts? espically during the scene Jimmy hits Curly like she had to hear and what did she thin #they are tormented in a similar hells with the same demon and its fascinating #mouthwashing #mouthwashing game #anya mouthwashing #curly mouthwashing #jimmy mouthwashing

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lattuce · 2 months ago

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shoutout to media with only one female character that’s just a vessel for a sexual assault and/or pregnancy plot line with very little or no characterization beyond that

#inspired by #mouthwashing #there’s other media this relates to #I’m just thinking a lot about this game right now #idk I love the game and its art direction and the story is still amazing #it just sucks that anya wasn’t as developed as the other characters #and felt like more of a tool to make jimmy more of an unsympathetic asshole #almost everything about her revolved around jimmy #I guess you could make an argument that since jimmy is an unreliable narrator that anya’s lack of character is how he views her #she’s nothing to him #but even the sections playing as curly she falls kinda flat and still involves jimmy #idk maybe I’m being too critical #I’m just kinda tired of plot lines like these #where women are reduced down to their trauma and that’s all they are #not saying they shouldn’t exist!! they are still valid stories #I just wish they had more tact #I understand though that this is an indie title with only so much time and resources to put into such a big project #and I understand that more time was probably put into the art direction and gameplay and coding than just some extra lines of dialogue

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radioroxx · 3 months ago

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hmmmm mal du pays thoughts tonight

#radio rambles #i should go to bed but. it is on the mind #isat spoilers #<- for the . wall of tags to come #imm wondering what most people hc mdp to like. be #i know its most popular to see it as siffrins sadness. i do think thats p neat #and probably the intention #but im. juggling around the idea of? siffrin system moment? mdp as a headmate? if yall see that vision?#most inspired by that ‘do u hc this character as a system’ post abt siffrin #and i voted no then but now im like genuinely changing my mind JFKFKF #it makes sense in a way. and into my mdp hc that it. wouldve split while sif was very young #splitting due to stress which leads to a lot of. gestures vaguely. mdp’s whole thing #a mix of stress but also this sense of longing to. belong somewhere. to not be alone #many years ago it was about the loss of their home. and much later on became more related to its feelings towards their family #mdp is a scared child to me . idk about yalls hcs for it but thats what im sticking to #a scared child who maybe grew up a little alongside the body. but still Young and Scared #its not as often or eager to front as siffrin is. i can imagine it being much more hover-y or . POSSIBLY. cohosting if its feeling up to it #uhm. ok well #so i typed this out and now im actually really sad about mdp jgkdkf where is mdp recovery #now im kinda thinking about it fronting for once to properly meet the party and. and receiving comfort. and and and #wow christ im upset #also also glancing over at marias sibling au for character dynamics here….. sillies…..#ps not relevant to my mdp thoughts but fyi im imagining siffin in headspace looks very much like their body #the difference being. much darker clothes. more stars etc. maybe different hair #think like how a lot of ppl style their human loops. thats kinda how i imagine sif in headspace #SPEAKING OF LOOP #i think given the time he spent with them it woulf make sense if they split a loop as well #and ofc other members of the party jgkfkf #im not gonna get into my hcs there because ill b taking away from my mdp hc post BUT #thinking. always thinking

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greasydumbfuck · 5 months ago

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thinking about frank and sex (in a sad way)

#marvel #frank castle #the punisher #not as in about sex with him but like how hes portrayed in relation to it in the comics if that makes sense #hes just always so deeply uninterested not just in the women but the act itself too like #so many times hes like. not pressured thats the wrong word but like i can think of at least two times i saw #where the women just kinda. walk themselves into his bed. and hes like 'eh idk about this' but then just kinda does it anyway #like i imagine the writers intended for this to be like a cool guy thing yk like ah he gets so much action and he DOESNT CARE cuz hes COOL #but ME personally i cant help but read it like. god idk i dont want to say him letting himself get used and using them in turn #theres this expression 'going through the motions' that kind of feels right here but idk how to explain it #hes just so weird about it. every time. in my mind i cant imagine him ever really wanting it very much #like maybe to feel good sometimes but its never. idk am i making sense am i just saying shit #is he gay asexual missing his dead wife or just so so fucking traumatized and dead on the inside that his body is just an object now #so many fun ways to interpret this #<guy who is not having fun interpreting this #wish i could just project my thoughts into your heads so youd see exactly what i mean cuz i dont feel im verbalizing this well enough #god take a shot every time i say 'like' or 'just'. youll be off your face from this post only #i may be making shit up tbh idk the thought struck me out of nowhere while i was looking at the ceiling

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ganondoodle · 1 year ago

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botw got me into watching every zelda theory on the planet and totk got me out of it :I

i will focus on my comic and the rewrite project, rant here an there or answer some questions but im pretty sure im not gonna watch/read anything zelda theory related for a good while

#ganondoodles talks #totk just makes me feel hollow #but it will keep coming up in everything zelda related now and in the future #like maybe theres some people critical of it #i doubt its the popular guys tho #and its probably not gonna be about the story anyway since even in old theories they were always pretty -save-#but it was kinda fun seeing all the ways to connect things and think about what it could mean #totk ruined that for me tbh #wheres the mystery #it let me down so many times i just cant stay interested in anything #and i dont got the will to clikc on a video and realize halfway through i wasted my time #hope you dont mind me staying in my lil bubble and doing my thing xD

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sysig · 8 months ago

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Getting closer, getting really close now I swear (Patreon)

#Doodles #Just Desserts #Villainsona #True Villainy AU #Just ignore how many times I've said that up to this point lol - I'm serious this time!#I always feel so bad designing TVAU outfits because Charm is always so miserable as a model haha #Could this be a contributing factor as to why it's taken so long?? No I enjoy drawing her like that lol #Made some design notes about the important elements of what I want for her True Villain look - more than just ''Her but Kaiein influence''#I'd still really like a nod to dragon scales of some kind but honestly her classic design is more that #Always going on about her spider theming how to make it dragony! It's the one thing I'm still hung up on lol #As for the rest I think it's Really getting close :) I got to actually turn her little ''shawl'' - I always knew it was Kaiein-related -#Into something that properly mimics his shape! It's all controlled by her tho it's not a part of his body - just magic-infused matter #Made to look like him so there's still that creep factor but it's more her body than his - she can control its shape :D #And I got to keep the jewels! Yesss - made it a motif! Now it's also on her hips and knees to break up her visual space yes very good #It's drips :) Y'know - like ink :) Finally figured that one out lol good job setting up my own symbolism me #And then some elegant drapey bits to match her ''shawl'' and continue to break up her space!! Yes! Good!!#I still haven't decided on a colour palette I think black and white is too obvious and too Kaiein but hmmm - she has a lot of colours #Lots of options to pick from but which is the Correct one - her hair would stay pink so maybe some of her pinks or purples #I'll play with some digital swatches later :)#I'm also so glad I could implement the hood design from one of the scrapped outfits ah <3 I love her in a hood she's so cute #I'm rather pleased with the way the spider web design breaks up her form as well - it's more subdued than the full bottom/shoes stripes but #It's also not very clear here lol the long ones that all the way down to her feet are the third from the center ignore that second one #The second lines out from the center host her wings! Very important!#Kinda reminds me of my holosona in a way actually :0 They /are/ both Evil-aligned hmmmm #All the more reason to colour palette! Differentiate the colours in my head #Really do feel like I'm approaching it now fdjsklafd getting close now!!

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bunnyboy-juice · 2 months ago

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GRAAAAAAAH MISREPRESENTING DATA DOES NOTHING FOR ANYONE EXCEPT FEED TROLLS WHO ARE TRYIGN TO TAKE OYU IN BAD FAITH ANYWAY OH MY GD

#mild vent #jsut kinda tired of checking sources and seeing time and time again people misrepresent data thats Easily checkable to support their points #u dont need to make up statistics you are literally making things worse for everyone bc now the arguments will be over what the stats REALL #are instead of the core issue u were talking about [insert upsidedown smiley here]#its like across topics too. ive seen so many bold claims linked to sources that when i check them there is 0 mention of that in the documen #or any of the (linked) supporting materials if its an article #this also isnt just about one post or one person or one rb ive been on this for MONTHS at home #i thnk my wife may be sick of me coming up to her and going over and over “this data isnt real” oh mygd #just. if you see something with a crazy stat and there's a source link maybe check it before rebloggin git #honestly even if its not stats related cause the number of times i see ppl rbing posts where OP absolutely would Not agree with them ro wou #be outright violent/aggressive/bigoted/etc abt topics they supposedly ccare abt. . . . . . ..#anyway for that one tho reminder to block the tags of hate groups! yes you will soemtimes miss a post but more importantly u will learn the #dogwhistles sO fucking fast.#anyway. idc if this makes sense its a tag vent and no one can rb anyway and discourse with ur momma if u think im mean for this ig

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daisybell-on-a-carousel · 2 months ago

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Thought about making a ghost town au jason design but kinda bluescreened when I realized he wouldn't be a doll tbh

#ghost town is a story if mine ^v^! its mostly just design fun #and yeah ghost doll isn't a fit for jason. well maybe it could depend on time when/how he died #but both of his proper deaths ive seen he wouldn't make a doll ghost. maybe a broken or cracked doll #he gets close. so i can see it happening for him depending #doll ghostss are people who often hide their own feelings and will try to make themselves better or more appealing for others #often at the harm and loss of themselves #theres also an element of being something to display to it #so like. all of my doll aus #thinking about his batarang death. DEFINITELY a ghost thatd have their injury clear #cant tell if i want him actually drenched in blood or like. stylized blood. like that pearl necklace #kinda want him in a suit of armor tbh. for funsies. im varying between that or just his normal self #well actually i fully believe a post utrh death jason would look like his child self. but shhh we're exploring other avenues right now #i cant WAIT to finish my jason todd design so i can start dressing him up hehe #unfortunately figuring out just like. normal designs. is harder for me than au outfits so its taking me a bit -~-#and/or doll ghosts can be from incredibly passive people bc that is like attached to my previous explanations. squares and rectangles tho #not related to jason

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the-pea-and-the-sun · 3 months ago

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i look for irl friends everywhere but its always. my fucking coworkers. like inevitably the place im gonna find my best friends isnt gonna be through school or hobbies its the other ppl who are also working alongside me for just above minimum wage.

#idk if its the minimum wage thing or the job field im in. maybe something about a kitchen job just attracts the coolest ppl ever #either way kind of hate that development of my social life is always dependent on like. having to work for money #but it kinda selects for ppl i can get along w ig. like dawg i just cannot be friends w rich ppl #never could relate to like. the stereotype of highschool rich bullies who make fun of u for being weird an poor cuz like #most ppl at my highschool were also pretty poor but. kind of feel like im encountering that in my adult life #like either theyre stuck up an dont wanna interact w me at all #or im like. trying to connect w someone who thinks its normal that both their parents own a tesla #having friends who are like. poor or who were also in foster care is kind of more important to me #than having other friends who are queer i realized #like. i just have more in common w someone raised by their grandparents who isnt that familiar w queer culture #than i do w someone immersed in the culture whos parents make 100k #but i mean now i sorta have both im no longer the only queer in the kitchen #my boss is like the most badass dykiest dyke ive ever seen #i mean im gonna keep trying to find non-worker friends though. my boss told me i should go to a gay bar skfhjgsdj

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mira0000000-blog · 1 year ago

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not sure yet and not very sonic but im thinking about itflo

#still not sure about her design aaa its mostly cos sonic universe doesnt have giant otters #i know archie had an otter at some point but i looked at it and was like nah i want big TEETH #im also not sure cos what she is now doesnt really look like sonicesque enuf #i always end up making her eyes too smol for sonic world #i was listening to “Os Tincoãs” and was like my oc i remember her and then i started mindlessly doodling #and although making her be a capoeira practitioner was in my mind already i never drew anything capoeira related before #so i picked a video on youtube and made a little last second “study” with her weird proportions #turned out trash but im happy i tried #i want her to be kinda like vector cos u know giant otter #and they also have their bodies connected to the tail like crocs #also yeah she is a girl i just didnt want to giver a shirt cos then it would hide the markings they have on the neck #that like makes their family differentiate one from the other and i was like awn im not hiding dat #but maybe if i find another way to make her shapes she can have a shirt on #I have a name idea im almost sure its gonna be her final name but wanna think more #if nothin changes her name will be Floreio :3 #wanted to do more but my back hurts and ima sleepy its past midnight again yeyy #wee my art i gues #floreio ariranha

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salsflore · 2 years ago

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going to sleep soon ～ let me get some things off my chest here.... my eyes are super itchy again (fell into the trap of snuggling my cat even when i swore i wouldn't do it again)

#cw vent #this is bc i have a math exam tmrw I’M SORRYYY i feel some kind of way about that #this is the first exam where i am near confident i will fail. and its just kinda sucky #my mental maths is really poor and due to the fact i skipped grades (unable to afford Education) i don’t know a lot of things my peers know #my results as they are right now? theyre genuinely ok. not bad. but theres still gaps made by the years of missing out on school #this is one of them #its so embarrassing having my classmate look at me weirdly when i ask her about something that should totally be obvious or #something silly like that. i don’t know. its especially hard for me to be interested in maths because my old maths teacher has #literally fucked me up i’m so intimidated by every math teacher ever and i just hate the feeling of being stupid or whatever #i don’t enjoy being comforted by A+ students bc theyre like cmonn its totally fine!! i relate i got a 39/40 :(#or my friends who make jokes about how stupid i am and its just aghhh #its already been almost a year since ive enrolled in school again but i still feel so out of place #so miserable i could just die #so miserable i think i SHOULD die #and i'm just nervous about getting an absolute 0. failing my first test made me want to literally kill myself #sorry for being dramatic but when you have a sister whos awards and certificates fill your house shelf its kind of like........#aghhhh!!!! maybe i should just accept that i'm good for nothing at all!!!!!!#not that great with numbers or formulas. probably not that great at writing either. nor am i as eloquent as i'd like to be ～#not artistically inclined. science is a bore. not ~ naturally ~ adept with neither languages nor history! psychology! economics! sports!#forgive me for not being able to do anything good at all ... zzz

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fregget-frou · 2 years ago

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Minor vent today was just really bad :p

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Ok I don’t know if this is dumb to ask but is it embarrassing to need to go home because of period cramps?? I think I made a big deal but I mean I did pass out but also I’ve heard people do deal with it??? I’m pissing off my parents because I’ve been sick so often and having to make them leave work because of it. It hurt alot but like. Idk.! I’m not even sure if I should’ve even gone home????? I just oh my god I feel really dumb and weak for some reason but also I get it because I passed out from the pain and this just does not happen but also I was told to ask my doctor which I know he’ll just say it’s my weight but. I don’t fucking know. I feel like I’m gaslighting myself and having a meltdown over a scratch but it’s not a scratch to me but aLSO I know that even if it wasn’t I should react and cause problems I’m being a burden. I mean they said it themselves I’m disrupting their work more often and I don’t want to do that but the last time I tried to tough it out I had to go to the ER which made an even bigger disruption and I just don’t wanna do that again.

#kinda wish the school nurse had pain killers but we don’t have them #I did yknow throw up but but #I could be overreacting #I know that’s what my doctor will say!! fucking hate that because I know he only has 2 responses to me it’s either because I’m fat or it’s #it’s just normal #I am AWARE that I’m fat #you don’t have to say everything is wrong about me and that I should suffer through things because of it man #I think he thinks I don’t know #which is incredibly annoying because hey man!! you’ve been telling me I’m fat since I was SIXXX #YOU DONT NEED TO FUCKING REPEAT IT AND BRING IY UPP #I KNKW #I KNOW #I FUCKING KNOW #MAYBE #JUST MAYBE IM GOING TO YOU FOR ACTUAL MEDICAL HELP #THAT IS RELATED TO MY #ILLNESS THAT HAS BEEN CONTINUOUSLY ATTACKING ME #I DONT KNOW WHATS WRONG WITH ME #BUT I SURE AS HELL KNOW ITS NOT JUST BECAUSE IM FAT #it’s so hard to not relapse right now #ohhh the ed that’s just asking to come back and kill me is waiting for this #I can feel my mental health deteriorating every day!!!#I AM FULLY CONSCIOUS MY MIND AND BODY ROTTING AROUND ME #I AM IN HELL.

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oflgtfol · 8 months ago

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the office environment wasnt hostile or anything its just physically it wasnt very entirely comfortable. it was in the basement of a newly constructed building so the walls were like sterile white and there was no homeliness to it and then because it was the basement it was lacking in both A. sunlight and B. ambient noise, because it was so infrequently trafficked it was just so damn quiet. it was just a strange environment i guess and so because it was such a specific niche environment i cant help but associate it with that specific mental health period of my life and so im so afraid that like idk just the like. the weird white sterile lighting will just trigger my brain to be like oh its suicide time. UGH

#head in my hands #i;m like oh im so normal right now i feel like doing therapy appointments are kinda a waste of time and money #even though i know i shouldnt stop if for no other reason than just making sure im ohlding myself accountable #by needing to report to my therapist every month about how things are going #but then i think about this upcoming fall and im like oh. lol. im definitely anticipating being Mentally Ill again #definitely do not slack on the therapy. and the medication.#ok but yknow what !!! this will be my first time doing anything related to school or my internship stuff while medicated !!#its not just me raw dogging life anymore now i have the power of zoloft and therapy on my side #maybe things wont be so bad #HEAD I NMY HANDS !!!#brot posts #delete soon

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hecksupremechips · 9 months ago

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I love to imagine Rebecca as trans like it just has become so ingrained in my mind it feels weird it’s not canon. She realized at a young age and her parents were supportive and let her present how she wanted and they used her name and pronouns, but they weren’t around enough to go the extra mile for her and make sure she was being protected. She was the target of some pretty bad bullying at school, both from the students and the staff, and Ashton was the first person to defend her. Ashton is cishet (cuz I think it’s funny) and hes kinda ignorant at first but he tries his best and he just likes Rebecca and wants good things for her and he’s so emo he scares away the bullies lol. And this was definitely a big part in Rebecca gaining feelings for him he just showed her this special kinda care that no one else ever did, and it’s what makes her extra insecure as the years go by. Cuz she wonders if maybe the reason Ashton never seems to reciprocate her feelings is because she’s trans and he just never thought to see her as romance material as a result. Which is a line of thinking that gets out of control really bad and she never gets to have the closure she wants with it either

She tells Isabella that’s shes trans just cuz they’re best friends and it sorta comes up eventually. Isabella was a tomboy growing up so she can definitely relate to the bullying shit pretty well and they are very protective of each other and vow to beat up anyone who talks shit about the other. They also just open each other’s minds a bit, Isabella helps Rebecca feel more comfortable in knowing there’s many different ways to be a woman, Rebecca helps Isabella maybe explore her feelings about her own gender and whether or not she’s really attached to womanhood. Zach finds out in a more casual way, it’s just something he learns cuz it felt weird that he was the only one who didn’t know and well. He’s a good guy, he wouldn’t mind. It’s not something the two of them ever talk about really, aside from bonding over a few shared experiences with having to deal with assholes. And really, being trans just isn’t something Rebecca wants to talk about too much, just because she’s gotten to a point where’s she’s experienced being stealth and she knows how quickly people can turn on you when they know, and she understandably doesn’t wanna deal with that shit. But because her friends are so supportive, she doesn’t exhale and let herself just exist naturally around them and it does help her feel less insecure about who she is

Sexuality wise I think she’s "straight" I think she’s spent most of her life looking at Ashton and just assuming she’d be with a man but once she finally gets to give up on him she has Moments with Isabella or like a certain fondness for Marianne and their shared love of history and other nerd shit and shes just like. Uh Oh 😟

#the letter #rebecca gales #my beloved my bestie my wife etc #ive also just written like in a scenario where she gets with luke shes gonna like get that dick and then shes like oh fuckkkkk #and its pretty frightening cuz luke is a notorious asshole but hes about to find out so she just lets it out #and hes weirdly chill hes just like ‘hnnnghh does it look like i fucking care about that right now daisy’#they uh. arent exactly a match made in heaven alkskf the way i write it like they are genuinely good for each other in a lot of ways #like i think they both can just help the other see important sides to themselves and improve #but i dont see them being like this happy long term couple i think rebecca can do soooo much better i think theyd get together when shes at #rock bottom and feels like no one will ever love her and she forms a bond with luke and she relates to him in a weird way #and this makes her feel worse like luke is the only one who sees the real her and she wants him because shes afraid hes the only one whod #tolerate her its just a very unhealthy situation and he has enough good in him to keep her on the hook #but enough bad in him to never satisfy what she needs and to make her feel like shit #its like. i dont think its IMPOSSIBLE for luke to be a good partner to her but hed have to do a LOTTT of changing that im just not confident #hed do plus like i mean hes literally a murderer and all of rebeccas friends hate him i dont think shed really be able to see past that #plus like hed be transphobic like maybe he isnt opposed to having sex with a trans woman in the moment but he certainly wouldnt be an ally #its all about whats convenient for him i think at best hed be like ‘youre one of the good ones!’#i kinda love lukebecca lol not in a ‘theyre cute’ way ew just in a. ‘their interactions are really funny and interesting’ kinda way #i want them to fuck nasty and i want rebecca to almost sink to his level but then rise above and kick his ass #and i want rebecca to be the one who got away for luke like losing her is the biggest wake up call of his life #and then rebecca lives her best life with her awesome friends and they work on communicating properly #and she realizes she doesnt need a man to complete her and then she writes a book and is loved pleaseeee

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